(Written by a Fourth generation, 24 year old Career Officer in the Indian Armed Forces, spurred by the report of the 6th pay commission and a heartless article written by a respectable" denizen of our great country in a national daily on the armed forces and the 6th pay commission).

How you play with us, did you ever see?
At Seven, I had decided what I wanted to be;
I would serve you to the end,
All these boundaries I would defend.

Now you make me look like a fool,
When at Seventeen and just out of school;
Went to the place where they made "men out of
boys"
Lived a tough life .sacrificed a few joys.

In those days, I would see my 'civilian' friends,
Living a life with the fashion trends;
Enjoying their so called "College Days"
While I sweated and bled in the sun and haze.
But I never thought twice about what where or why
All I knew was when the time came, I'd be ready to do
or die.

At 21 and with my commission in hand,
Under the glory of the parade and the band,
I took the oath to protect you over land, air or sea,
And make the supreme sacrifice when the need came to be.

I stood there with a sense of recognition,
But on that day I never had the premonition,
that when the time came to give me my due,
You'd just say," What is so great that you
do?"

Long back you promised a well to do life;
And when I'm away, take care of my wife.
You came and saw the hardships I live through,
And I saw you make a note or two,
And I hoped you would realise the worth of me;
but now I know you'll never be able to see,
Because you only see the glorified life of mine,
Did you see the place where death looms all the time?
Did you meet the man standing guard in the snow?
The name of his newborn he does not know...
Did you meet the man whose father breathed his last?
While the sailor patrolled our seas so vast?

You still know I'll not be the one to raise my voice
I will stand tall and protect you in Punjab Himachal and
Thois.

But that's just me you have in the sun and rain,
For now at Twenty Four, you make me think again;
About the decision I made, Seven years back;
Should I have chosen another life, some other track?


Will I tell my son to follow my lead?
Will I tell my son, you'll get all that you need?
This is the country you will serve
This country will give you all that you deserve?

I heard you tell the world " India is shining"
I told my men, that's a reason for us to be smiling
This is the India you and I will defend!
But tell me how long will you be able to pretend?
You go on promise all that you may,
But it's the souls of your own men you betray.

Did you read how some of our eminent citizens
Write about me and ridicule my very existence?
I ask you to please come and see what I do,
Come and have a look at what I go through
Live my life just for a day
Maybe you'll have something else to say?

I will still risk my life without a sigh
To keep your flag flying high
but today I ask myself a question or two.
Oh India .. Why do I still serve you?

One, its a wake up call for those who desire more in their married life but haven"t been able to achieve it.

Two, it"s a notice to those who crib about their relationship having lost its zing. Well, stop cribbing, its going to remain as bad, or get worse over time, if you don"t do something about it soon. So shut up and get going.

Three, if you relate to the issues that have been highlighted in this article but can"t talk to your spouse about it, then here"s your chance; show this blog to the un-initiated soul. Hopefully, a stranger"s words will make more sense to him / her than a loved one"s (how ironical!!).

And lastly, its probably time for you to redefine your marriage goals. Don"t waste your time and energy in burning bridges around you and haggling over minor issues and matters that don"t really matter when you become sixty. Have you noticed how no problems seem insurmountable, once we focus on the objective? On the other hand, reconciliation in a marriage, always starts with a post mortem of past sins, and is therefore inherently failure prone. If it has not worked earlier, in all probability, it won"t work again either. So why not try a different approach this time around?

Be satisfied with what you have, but never with what you are. Your call now.

· Don't feel guilty about who you are, what you do, how you live life, and the choices you make. (even a moron and a punk can read this statement and nod his head. but I don't think he will get what I mean!!)

· Don't waste your time on the blind and handicapped around you. And don't expect a mule to perform as a horse!!

· Don't let anyone tell you what a favour they are doing to you. Because, it is not us who need the favour. It is them.

· Do things to be happy. Yourself. There is nobody who is going to give it you.

· And lastly, being nice, sensible, logical has no brownie points for it. First, be sure of what you want to do, then decide who will understand it and then just impose it brutally on those who won't. That may be against one's principles. but the world has come to that, I think.

While I was trying to clear all this mess in my head, I happened to speak to a guru of mine; a long time friend whom I have worked with before. When we met the first thing he said was that my mind was in a muddle. At that point I was seething in anger inside myself. anger about what was happening in my life. anger that it had to happen to me despite all the efforts that I had put and despite the preparations that I had made. Besides all the other things that we spoke, the one piece of advice that I took without hesitation was to just press the PAUSE button of life. What he said made sense. When any thing goes into an uncontrollable spiral. its best to slow down. catch your breath. gather your thoughts. reassess the situation. and then carry on from there. He didn't tell me that I was wrong or right. He didn't tell me what I needed to do to make things better. He told me to PAUSE. and that such things happen.

I took his word for it. and have not regretted it since. I was able to talk to all nerds better after that. I have been finding my mind uncluttered and clear to think about focusing on my children's lives. When I get bugged about something and why others don't see another point of view. I just tell myself that they are handicapped. and that it's no use breaking my head. and so . don't even try and waste your time, energy or breath on them!!

It's also probably because of the pause that I've had a mind receptive to new ideas. It also allowed me to read a book called 'Atlas Shrugged". If you haven't read it, then you must. But if you have and you haven't gained from it. then you were either too young to understand or you the kind who never will!! That book cleared my mind on thoughts and confusions that I was not even clear, existed in my mind. The moment I read that book, I understood the problem with people like us. We are born on the wrong planet. We give without asking. We live by our own rules. Rules which everyone knows has to be followed. but don't want to. Worse still, we get ridiculed by others because we abide by it.

When I saw things in that light, I couldn't see a single reason why I must keep this point of view only to myself. Why I should cause anyone, who is willing to hear with an open mind, to live one moment longer in the belief that we were guilty. somehow. So this blog. I have voiced out my thoughts in as much clarity that I can achieve. Only with the certainty and belief that if 'my kind' find a flaw in what I perceive as a point of view, at least some of you will tell me about it. No matter however small, or however ridiculous the flaw may be.

I don't know how some of you will react to this. Most of us have mastered the art of keeping our own emotions so well hidden under a mask called the face. that sometimes we really don't realise how one must respond. Whichever way all of you respond, its absolutely acceptable. The satisfaction is not only in knowing what you think and acknowledge. It is also in being able to be honest with myself and in sharing my thoughts.

As I have been writing this, I have realised that I have not done it only for the reason of sharing with all of you the new perspective that I have got in life. It is also to clarify in my mind what I have been thinking. It is as much to strengthen my conviction as to provide you with one. I don't know whether it will work. I don't know whether I am right in what I am doing. But I think that this is a path, that I'd prefer exploring, than letting go.

In the last few years, I have received support and appreciation from quarters and people, whom I did not even know I had affected. People who are probably unable to be as bold in action as some of you are or in their thoughts as I am trying to be. But who probably see the reason to live life at their own terms. I'm sure it has happened to you too. So, it's not that we are alone out there. It's just that we are in a minority. But I believe that it is this minority that is going to change things. in whichever small way it can. The others are just passengers.

So here's to a new start. A start which does not require to destroy everything and then start. A start where I have decided to do the journey using my new 'experimental' wings rather than drudge along with imbeciles. I have had enough. Enough of living a life on the worlds terms . because they don't have the brains and the passion to understand me.

I also don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. anyone else . anymore. Anyone who wants to see things through my eyes will see it the moment we meet. No explanations will be required. I will not claim to have become a revolutionary and a radical. But I certainly intend to start a mini-revolution in my life and in the minds of like minded people whom I look up to. or who look up to me.

POST SCRIPT.

The above mentioned blog was initially written (including some parts omitted here) in Aug 07, as a mail to some of my friends because I was still not certain whether I was thinking straight. The response encouraged me to pursue my beliefs with a vengeance to make up for lost time. It's almost half a year now. I have been guilt free, rid of remorse, happier and clearer in my mind that ever before. I don't waste time or energy on people who are not worth it. This inturn has made me value more, those around me who even show a small spark of genius. I have been able to get better results both from the horse and the mule. I have improved as a person. I have been able to achieve many personal milestones. I have not become a mean person, but just a more demanding one. But am I happy with all these achievements? No, not totally. At times, I am not happy with the kind of person I have become, especially when I am forced to ignore the emotions of people to get a job done. But then I tell myself that explaining to them is of no use either. They won't understand. And thanks to all this thinking, I have honed the skill of differentiating between the horse and the mule. No more confusion there.

Then recently I met a 22 yr old girl at Bali. She was amazing. Before anyone goes on a tangent, let me clarify. I spent a whole night with her at Bali. sipping innumerable cups of coffee at the McDonalds from 8pm till 4am the next morning. We talked about everything there was to talk about under the sun. non-stop. Her grasp of philosophies of life, at an age that I thought was too young, left me wonder struck. She put forth some wonderful theories. some excellent thoughts that gave me a new perspective to living.

Her life had been through a crossroad too (so early!!). and it was after one of the books that she read that she had her snapping moment. (she actually snapped her fingers to explain how it happened!). What she said made sense. Her moment happened at 22. Mine at 32. All the other people out there, they are constantly moving towards their snapping moment, but each one at a different pace. and will get there at different times in their life. She believed that at this moment there are more people out there getting their snapping moment than ever before in history. Again made sense. simply because there is so much more accessible information. She explained why it is necessary to have people who just don't get it. Simply because if everyone got it, then how would one differentiate between the two; how would one learn value the better? Tall is tall only because there is short. Else tall would not have any meaning. Simple na!! We spoke a lot more about life, but that I leave for another blog.

Has this made me change my opinions and the conclusions that I reached earlier. No, not really. It has just probably given me a better understanding of why people don't get it. Why it's possible that some don't get it all their life. because they trudge at too slow a pace.

The more understanding I have of the dynamics of life. the more patience I will have with the INFIDELS!!!

And meeting this girl, proved once again, that when we meet our kind, it does not need a billboard or a placard to give us directions or a biography or Resume to know. We just know it. It is so far in between that it's too precious to miss and too important, to let go of that moment. She simply said that the meeting happened, because it was meant to. I would like to agree. but only if it happens again.

A tribute to a wonderful human being. Adieu.

This is the part for those who come across this post first and are not privy to the previous posts, comments and counter comments. I do this deliberately. If you wish to read the whole post . click on the link given below.

http://chosenone.rediffiland.com//scripts/xanadu_diary_view.php?postId=1161626003

(For my partners in crime.I suggest you jump straight to the post-introduction bit).

That was a post . simply put . that questioned the inability of us Indians . to rise together . to better our lives . our surroundings . our cities . our government . and our country. I had asked whether we had become a nation of Impotents. The response I got was limited, honest. at times brutally so.and also a few that just confirmed my view that we are quite willing to find excuses to not take up the responsibility of doing our bit.

In all fairness to all my fellow bloggers . who came forward to either endorse or criticize my views. I have taken bits and pieces of their comments . and put together conflicting views for your consumption. I will not boast that the extracts I post fully represent the complete individual views of the person. I have taken the bit that I thought was relevant (with minor edits for grammar and context). I will be forgiven, I hope.

So here goes ..

Sur Mehta said.

There are no magic answers, no miraculous methods to overcome the problems we face, just the familiar ones: honest search for understanding, education, organization, action that raises the cost of state violence for its perpetrators or that lays the basis for institutional change; and the kind of commitment that will persist despite the temptations of disillusionment, despite many failures and only limited successes, inspired by the hope of a brighter future. And so it is the process in which one gradually increases the number of people included in the term 'WE" or "US" and at the same time decreases those labeled "YOU" or "THEM". If ever we think like this then I'm dead sure we would have better place to live and we will have no grudges. You must have some ideas. Rather than just discussing, we should do something otherwise it would be all in vain. Often we want to do something but we can't. As one person we can't bring changes. We have to work collectively rather than individually.

Trishna Mumbai said .

Only the potent can survive - sometimes survival requires truck loads of potence, let's not belittle it. It's a frugal percent of our country that is on that rung of the needs theory where shelter, food and much later education are taken care of. Our needs are more basic yet. Unless, I feel the pain by myself, I cannot contribute to the cause. Once the basic needs are abundantly met, and I have resources, can I venture into cleaning the rot. We can do much better. We can fight corruption, we can refuse to give bribes and we can refuse to pay over the MRP. We can take to the streets too, when we are faced with situations which demand it. We can break the politician, judiciary, police and underworld nexus. We need to will it badly enough. Its not potence we lack, its non-chalance to dignity - our own and that of our country. Potence is not just about bloodying hands. Isn't everyday living below a poverty line potence? Isn't braving floods and droughts potence? "We do need to be the change we see in the world". Of course a revolution will help, even getting angry about the situation helps, because it generates awareness and thought processes.

Amit Agrawal said .

I think we are way too lazy to jump into anything....what we miss today is leaders like Gandhi....we don't get moved by anything....ANYTHING!!!

dee vine said.

I don't raise a voice or lift a finger and I also don't complain... coz it's become a way of life for me as a zillion others. We've stopped caring. It's as if it's a genetic orientation of the entire region. We are not aggressive. I don't even know if a catalyst of the stature of Gandhi would work now! Our wake up call, when it comes will be brutal.

Friendly Ghost said...

To your righteous anger, I offer my "impotent" indifference! Yawn! I""m happy and content to be navel-gazing, considering what""s going on inside me, and in my family, workfront etc. and not worrying about what""s going on in the country and the world.

Eagle said .

Read Paul Kennedy"s 'History of Great Powers' and you will realize that people of this region were always impotent.

Kanchan Bhattacharya said .

Economic growth is for the industrial houses, politics and local bodies is for businesses to run, and the poor run the mind police!

Pushpa said...

They say huge divides in country bring revolutions... We have so many divides. Where is the revolution? ... Is it because of culture and learning of tolerance? We forget Mandal Commission, we forget many of Jessica Lal's kind, we forget blasts. We saw minors getting raped in the train but there was no soul awakening to save the child. These are only news items, we go through, see around us and forget.

Alpana said.

It's disgusting and the only step I believe we can take is to constantly remind the people to do their bit and being role models ourselves. Magar un magarmuch ka kya joh desh ko ughal raha hai har pal???..

Sandhya Suri (My Sounding Board!!) said.

Indifference in our blood. Nothing else. I sit here and fail to fathom just where our blood goes when its issues like these...and you have the whole country raving about a film because one certain dialogue in it was offending. Hypocrisy, blatant shameless indifference ... that's what we are terminally ill from. Writing about it isn't enough. We need to do something about it...adopt a village and do it up as an ideal Indian Village with everything taken care of. Carry out a crucial operation for someone and restore their capability to stand up for themselves. Mere words on paper don't help.

POST INTRODUCTION.

As you can see from the comments, the responses to my post were varied. Some had explanations on why it cannot be done, others had a sense of urgency that could not ignored. So what do I do about it? More specifically. what CAN I do about it?

I can hold rallies, or at least hope to some day. Approach a NGO or a political party and try to sell my views to them. I could go to the press, go to some radio station, and try and convince them that working for the country must be made a priority. And that it's an idea that they could probably spearhead. Alternately, like what Sandhya said. I could adopt a village and make it ideal. Probably provide lifelong education for an underprivileged child or probably ensure availability of medical treatment to someone who can't afford it. These views did find resonance among a few of my friends but in all humility, I have to admit that I did not think of anything this big.

I thought of small things. Harder things. things which I have a control over. Ah ha!!. now what am I talking about?

I feel that everytime I depend on or bank on somebody else to provide the means for me to achieve salvation, I am always leaving for myself the face saving excuse."Look.. I tried". That, I think, is the primary reason why most of us don't start. And if we do. probably the biggest reason why we fail.

Small things. I think small things are what will make a difference. practical things. achievable goals. I am not talking about an old man stripping in the government office to get his pension or a taxi driver rescuing a runaway bride. Those are best for the celluloid screen.

I am sure that not many visualize what I am talking about, thanks to the way all of us have got so immune to the world around us. It's understandable.

I am talking about the things we teach our children and what our parents taught us. How often do we apply those rules when we grow up? When was the last time we stopped for a blind man and help him cross the street? When was the last time you told a man traveling in a ladies compartment to get off? When was the last time you stopped at an accident site and actually offered to help? I am just giving small examples. There may be enough reasons why we didn't do these things. But there can be only one why we should have done it. BECAUSE WE WANTED TO.

It is not as if we don't know the rules. Take any organization we work in. We set our targets and don't let anything. absolutely anything, come in the way of us achieving it. Do we allow small minor hiccups to act as hurdles in meeting our targets? Do we allow the excuses of our environment to slow us down? I think my point should be clear.

So here is my contribution to try and righten the wrong. Quoting Trishna, "Even getting angry about the situation helps, because it generates awareness and thought processes". I am not asking any of you to hold rallies or take up a cause. I'm asking you to raise awareness and get people to think. I am just asking you to do your bit for yourself, your family and your country.

I have started a blog "jaagoindia" at rediffiland. You can access it from My Favourites..."Indian first" or click on the link given below to view the relevant post.http://jaagoindia.rediffiland.com/scripts/xanadu_diary_view.php?postId=1162556042

My aim is to get all of you to contribute ...not as comments but as stake holders of that blog. I want you to be honest and truthful because no one is going to be judgmental. But unless you are honest no one will gain. A little confusing? I will explain.

Part I: Simply put I want you to write down all the correct acts. morally, ethically, individually that you have committed on every single day from the time you read this blog. All the things you would advise your child to do and those you have done yourself accordingly.

Part II: I would also like you to add in the second section, the things that you saw happening or the occasions you were faced with, where you could do something right but you did not have the time, the inclination or the moral courage to do it.

How would this help? All those people who blog or share a similar sentiment but are shy (I use an apolitical term) to narrate their experiences, will relate to the commonness of all our weakness and are able to contribute their bit. Things which you see as minor victories may not even have been recognized as opportunities by others. It could be an eye opener for them. Things which you saw as failures may be a realization to someone that they did not try when they had the opportunity.

I do believe that awareness changes perspective. And one can't truly attempt to solve a problem . unless one acknowledges it. SO PLEASE DO LINK UP WITH LIKE MINDED BLOGGERS . AND SPREAD THE WORD IF YOU CAN. I cannot promise results. But I can promise that if all of you help out. there can be change.

I'm certain that none of us will become saints . or overnight patriots by either writing this .or by having read it. I'm also equally certain that all of us will fail. in some way or the other. But if we keep trying . wont e beat the statistics sometime? If we are honest . then initially probably the second section will have more points than the first. SUCCESS AND SATISFACTION WOULD ONLY COME. WHEN SOME DAY YOU HAVE MORE TO WRITE IN THE FIRST SECTION THAN IN THE SECOND.

Login id is jaagobharat

Password 15aug47
(to login now click on this link.... www.rediffiland.com )

I have placed my cards on the table . and my faith in all of you. I have given you an id and password which now leaves me vulnerable. But I figure that if I can't trust, then I can't be in the business of asking all of you to be honest and trusting when you contribute to the blog. I can only request that you help me make this blog meaningful because otherwise one more optimist will bite the dust.

So how do get the ball rolling? Start small. Start determined. Here are a few examples.

1. Offering or rather giving a seat in the bus to ladies, old people, and pregnant women.

2. If you see a lady asking someone for the seat reserved for them, and is refused, then don't just not look the other way. leaving her to handle the situation alone.

3. Respect the dignity of labour. However small and minute the contribution may be. Respect the people working for u.

4. Be humble.

5. Reprimand a child who misbehaves . although you may not know him.

6. Ask people to stand and respect the National Anthem.

7. Follow traffic rules.

8. Don't litter the street and point out others when they do.

9. Be vocal about your views about the country. Don't be ashamed to be among the minority.

10. Check the conductor, shopkeeper or the telephone booth attendant if he does not return the full amount due.

11. Thank people.

12. Reporting a rash driver to the traffic cop.

13. Don't take a bribe.

14. More difficult. Don't give a bribe.

The process is not in just doing things right yourself. But also about letting those doing things wrong know . that someone is watching and is concerned enough to point it out. Also, one needs to be rational as to how far one should stretch the urge to right the wrong. Going overboard is no solution.

And where are we headed with this? Where do you think this will take us? Probably not far now. But if even half of those who read this ..attempt it... and half of those stick on... and keep doing their bit... I"m ure that there will be a difference. I"m sure it will be noticed. I"m sure you will find converts around you.

And to the true cynic. Why not try and prove me wrong!! Game?

So without trying to dampen the optimism . let me start my experiment... and if you are willing . our experiment. And hope you help me reach out.

A day of your choice... at any dream location. Money is no constraint (but for romance ... does that matter?!). All that can be variable.

With your hubby / wife / partner (sorry buddy boys.that isn't variable!!). No strings attached. No kids to bother you. No need to cook meals for your mother-in-law. No laptops No office work carried with you. No dead lines to meet.
So then how would you then like to spend that dream day out? (Or indoors will do to!) How romantic can you get? Let loose your Quixotic imagination ... and lets see what best you can come up with!! (The focus is on Romance). The moment you put it down here... that much more possible it becomes.

Mine would be....

Get out of town. Speeding on a bike. Enjoy the wind blowing through my hair.

Giving my wife, M, the hug that she desires (dont wonder how!!).

Go to some remote small town which has shacks (with just the basic facilities. but no phones. paper, TV etc) preferably by the sea.

Talk a lot on varied subjects like music. books... Life... her... me... us... fantasies... ambition... fears... Etc... Etc...

Have her cuddle up in my arms after sometime in silence and enjoy the feel of her presence...

Brush away that stray strand of hair from her face...run my fingers through her hair...or run them lightly up her arms...

As the day progresses... would want to get to know her more as who she is... listen to all our favorite music... maybe write something new.

When the evening sets in, would like to hit the beach with... packed food... chilled wine... flute glasses. tent and a warm blanket... watch the sunset with her in my arms, feel the waves gently lapping at our feet... open the wine... hear the clink of the glasses and just look into each others eyes and understand the unsaid and the unexplained.

Walk down the beach... in the water... under the moonlight, holding hands...stop and kiss...

C'MON BROTHERS AND COUNTRYMEN. WHATS YOUR DREAM?

( FG.... waiting to read your take on this one!!)